Shall I present my hypothesis? Keep that shapely ass seated and I'll lay it down for you nice and simple. Ladies and gentleman of the jury, let it be brought to your undivided attention that Mr. English here is sporting telltale signs of rampant teenage hormones and a vague tent in his pants that he thinks I don't know about. [ strider who are you talking to ] Exhibit A waltzes forward in the form of raunchy videos, cycling stills and pre-recorded sounds of males -- only males, noted -- engaging in various sexual acts. A hack, he claims, but the crack in his voice and the sweat on his head tell a more sinister story of a boy and his hand rudely interrupted by his best friend who lent him his computer from the goodness of his heart only to be rudely stabbed in the back and jerked around without so much as a happy ending; of which Mr. English seems to be currently enamored with.

Judging by the evidence Mr. English has left around, it is quite safe to say he hasn't been looking up movies at all. What say the browsing history? Dare let me take a gander, English?